8 Scenarios That Make the INFJ Seem Cold Hearted & Ruthless
With a self-perception of being warm and understanding, it’s ironic that most INFJs can come off as seeming rather cold hearted at times. While this assumption is often quickly proven wrong, there are some situations that make this cool and collected type come off as much more callous than they really are.
8 Scenarios That Make the INFJ Seem Cold Hearted & Ruthless
1. When their dark humor slips
One of the most surprising INFJ traits has to be their way with dark humor. With a unique depth and understanding of the world around them, this introspective type can display a sense of humor that has the power to make a fully-crowded room go silent.
A combination of light self-deprecation, morbidity and ruthlessness, it’s fair to say that their sense of humor isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Although they take the necessary steps to try their best to never offend anyone, not everyone quite understands or appreciates the INFJ’s unexpected jokes.
In fact, although they don’t like to dig themselves a dark-humored hole that they can’t get out of, sometimes even they themselves are taken aback by the things they come up with. And because of this, no matter how much effort they put into reading the room before creaking open the door to their twisted absurdity, sometimes they come off as a little more ruthless and detached than they intended.
2. When they can’t help but to treat others fairly
If there’s one thing that even the INFJ themselves can’t explain, even despite knowing their extroverted feeling function, it’s their ability to reflect the demeanor of those around them. Through their innate empathy which is always at the forefront of their perspectives, the INFJ personality type has a keen eye for the true behaviors of people and ultimately uses that to subconsciously mirror it back to them.
Almost as if they’re doing karma’s work at times, the INFJ only comes off as cold hearted and ruthless to those who are that way to them. They are the epitome of the saying “I'm rubber, you're glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you" - giving people a taste of their own medicine right before their eyes.
And so, people who choose to only put good out into the world are more likely to perceive the INFJ as the kind-hearted, helpful spirit that we all know and love. Someone who chooses to put out negativity, selfishness and control, however, may have a different view of this type of mimicking type. This brings us to our next point..
3. When their put off by silly human indecency
Despite the INFJ’s ability to remain open minded to all personality types and personality traits, it’s not uncommon for them to be put off by someone’s behavior. Whether it be lack of common sense, an inflated ego, intended disrespect, self-centeredness, or any other trait that disrupts the INFJ’s need for a balanced, genuine connection, you can expect a constant eye-roll from this easily-annoyed type.
They say the INFJ has a love-hate relationship with humanity as a whole. While they’re always willing to help, they’re so often disappointed in the areas humans fall short of simple decency. These are the situations and people that they’re much more apt to give the cold shoulder.
Sometimes it’s out of spite, while other times it’s simply due to the fact that they refuse to interact with such indecency and prefer to retreat by withdrawing their energy from the situation. In fact, in most cases the INFJ’s silence serves to make more of a statement than if they were to use their words.
4. When they’ve tried their best to set boundaries
When it comes to boundaries and the INFJ personality type, there comes major challenges. Rooted in their conflict-avoidant problem solving approach, this nonchalant personality type can certainly let things slide that probably shouldn’t slide at all.
Because of their reluctance to rock the boat, they tend to set their boundaries in an extremely passive way, through expressing their preferences indirectly and avoiding putting someone on the spot at all costs.
However, this approach only works with some, and when their rather unassertive expressions are completely overlooked they have learned alternative roots. Still, with utmost patience, the INFJ can become much more direct, firm, and unavoidable with their boundary setting when necessary.
And while this head-on approach may seem normal to some people, when the INFJ has only shown their calm and pliant demeanor, anyone could feel the shift in energy. Not to mention, depending on the situation, INFJs can certainly find themselves saying things that they normally wouldn’t say for the sake of saving their mental and emotional sanity.
5. When the notorious INFJ door slam is called upon
When all else fails, it’s typical for the INFJ to pull out their last and only hope to save themselves. The weapon of mass destruction, also known as the door slam. This empathetic personality type above all others has the ability to either turn someone’s life around or on the contrary, completely upside down - and that choice is left up to the receiver.
Like we said before, the INFJ will spend any amount of time spoon-feeding their wisdom to someone that they deem as truly deserving of it. They’ll take every approach and use every lasting bit of social energy they have if they know their kindness is being received properly.
Yet, once they feel they’re being taken advantage of, they won’t hesitate to slam the door stone-cold in someone’s face. In fact, since boundaries are already difficult for the INFJ to set, it takes a lot out of them to truly cut someone out of their lives.
However, through the understanding that they can’t keep others away from the lessons they’re meant to learn and to hopefully save others from being used and manipulated by that person they bite the bullet and kiss their once cherished connection good-bye. Cold hearted, maybe.. but never without reason.
6. When they’re trying to be less sensitive
Since early childhood it’s not rare for the INFJ to be constantly told they’re slightly more sensitive in comparison to the average person. And while this isn’t exactly a false statement considering their extroverted feeling and sensing that makes them innately more intune with their surroundings, it can certainly make the INFJ feel as if they need to toughen up.
Whether it be the soft-spot they have for other people’s feelings or their discomfort when it comes to receiving criticisms, as this personality type matures, they can’t help but to try and numb themselves to this vulnerability. Although their sensitivity is the root to some of their greatest gifts, they’ll actively try to be less sensitive, ultimately resulting in an at-times cold and ruthless demeanor.
7. When they have to be brutally honest
INFJs are one of the best people to go to when you need to vent or are looking for sound life advice. Not only is this extroverted feeler type able to put themselves in other’s shoes but they also have a way with words by giving the honest truth without hurting people’s feelings.
With a deeper understanding of the human psyche and the habits that come with maintaining an earthling brain, they have the patience to stand by their loved one’s sides to weather them through any storm. However, after they’ve given their polite suggestions, nudges and plans of action time and time again, they can become rather impatient.
It’s not that their disappointments overtake their willingness to help, but rather that they can often see the situation from a bird's eye view, allowing them the understanding of what’s best for that person. This is when ruthlessness comes into play. Blunt honesty takes the place of their philosophical comparisons and shoulder shrugs replace their constant reassurance. And lastly,
8. When they find the humor in everyday inconveniences
Simple everyday challenges such as missing the train or spilling coffee on a new blouse may seem dire and overwhelming in the moment, but to the INFJ, it all seems so insignificant. With a larger-picture view of life, these minor inconveniences and the reactions they evoke from others can seem humorous to the INFJ sometimes calling upon a seemingly insensitive side to them.
Whether they laugh it off or sarcastically poke fun at someone’s minor misfortunes all they’re trying to do is make light of the situation. However, in the heat of the moment, snarky remarks and less-than-genuine words of encouragement can be the last thing to truly set someone off.
Depending on the person and situation the INFJ’s dismissive attitude can actually have the opposite effect, causing them to become more frustrated and even feel disrespected.