7 Secrets Of Dating An INTP
Attempting to date any of the personality types comes with its own challenges and nuance. Yet, when it comes to the mysterious INTP, they can be particularly hard to get a bead on.
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Today we’re going to reveal 7 secrets of dating an INTP personality type.
Secret #1 Keep it interesting
When INTPs are stuck standing around, they’ll quickly run away. This is owed in large part to their extroverted intuition- meaning they crave different kinds of novel experiences. It can be kind of difficult to discern where the INTP’s codependence on routine ends and their boredom begins.
This can make it stressful determining when it’s “safe” to establish a consistent connection with them. However, this shouldn’t suggest that INTPs aren’t interested in regular communication and dedicated personal time together (even if they’re not the best at it).
Despite their thirst for novelty, INTPs need some degree of predictability in their lives, just like anyone else. So, when it comes to actually dating this introverted type, just make sure to keep things interesting. Sneak a surprise in here and there to stimulate the INTP’s vibrant imagination.
This kind of challenging, intellectual stimulation keeps them engaged and invested — and that in turn will keep them coming back to you. Whether it’s a steamy mid-day text or a new docuseries to indulge in on Netflix, the more new activities, topics of conversation, and creative ways you can come up with, the better.
Secret #2 Honesty is everything
For the most part, INTPs don’t like holding grudges, but if you lie in any way, shape or form, don’t be surprised when you find yourself on their “zero communication” list. They may even leave with little-to-no explanation..
Serving as a perfect example of how much lying bothers an INTP due to their relaxed and accepting nature. If an INTP is being too distant, isn’t showing as much affection as usual, or is up to anything else their seemingly reserved attitude can lead to, tell them.
They’ll go out of their way to provide the support you need, but not if you try to manipulate them into it, instead of simply sharing your feelings upfront and honestly. INTP’s prefer honesty so much that they would rather hear the inconvenient, unpleasant truth than a thorough but ultimately hollow lie.
It cannot be stressed enough - truth is far up - if not at the summit - of the INTP’s value totem pole. Acknowledge the essential nature of this, and you’ll not only stay out of the red zone, but you’ll make it easier for them to process your feelings.
Secret #3 They Need Their Own Space ( and often a lot of it)
Smothering INTPs with affection is not going to mesh with their nature. If you’re naturally inclined towards checking in or checking your partner on a consistent basis - bombarding them with texts, calls and notifications - you’ll definitely want to scale it back when it comes to dating an INTP.
Remember, INTPs are ultimately introverts meaning independence is very important to them, at times bordering on the extreme. There is and always will be something new to learn, a new book to read, a new skill to develop, and so on.
And they can do all of this alone while feeling fulfilled. If you don’t respect their need for dedicated alone time to focus on their own interests and pursuits, you’ll inadvertently make them choose between their own nature and you.
But if you do give them that space and opportunity to recharge their INTP batteries, they’ll appreciate it and value you that much more for the effort. Not to mention, the best version of an INTP is one that is granted enough r & r to be their genuine selves around others.
Secret #4 They’re Secretly Cuddly
Sorry to expose you dear INTPs, but this mysterious type isn’t as serious as they may seem. Unlike personality types who hug like they’re shaking hands, the INTP has a personal bubble that they mostly prefer to remain intact.
So.. if an INTP goes in for a hug, that’s a huge sign that they’re really comfortable with you. Like most introverted personalities, it can be hard to get close to INTPs at first. However, once they do open up, you’ll see a much sillier, odder, and cuddlier side to them.
Occasionally they may even surprise how exaggerated their actions can be, in contrast to their otherwise restrained nature. Particularly because INTPs aren’t that great at expressing their feelings in more common ways like paying compliments or simple discussion, they’ll often use physical touch as a means to convey their affection in place of such methods.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking your dedicated attention and time will go unnoticed, they do value it when it’s time to be together. That appreciation just comes out in a different way. This can also make it easier to show your own feelings to an INTP in a way that they understand and appreciate.
If you find their wires are crossed and you’re not getting across your feelings to them how you’d like, then giving them some well-timed hugs and other forms of physical affection can be a great way to do this while staying inside their comfort zone.
Secret #5 Don’t Pressure Them On Their Feelings
Being candid, INTPs often don’t even understand how they’re feeling enough to try and explain it to another person. So it’s already somewhat of an exercise in futility. But, this reality just gets exaggerated that much more by the INTP’s preference for facts and logic over sentimental feelings.
Getting in touch with their feelings is incredibly difficult for an INTP, despite having them beneath the layers of rationale. Fair warning, often when INTPs do try to convey their emotions, it’s more like a flurry of random verbiage and confusing phrasings - so in one sense, it’s a blessing that they withhold sharing their feelings in a way that will only confuse you that much more.
The pace INTPs set can be unpredictable sometimes, it’s not unusual for them to seem more interested earlier on and less so in the “middle” of the relationship. This isn’t a sign of diminishing interest, it’s just a reflection of their introverted nature.
It’s also a result of INTPs being self-aware that their directness can be emotionally harmful to others. So to avoid the kind of brute harshness of children too naive to know they’re hurting someone’s feelings, INTPs can grow increasingly distant. Reassuring them that you won’t take their words too personally can help a lot with getting them into open discussion.
Secret #6 Hidden Fragility
If you’re there when an INTP does have a breakdown, understand that showing so much openness with their feelings is a sign they really need you to be there for them. Just the fact that they’re willing to do it around you means they trust you with their naked vulnerability.
In fact, when you look into the major triggers for this kind of behavior, it all revolves around intense stress like overpowering social demands, heavy-hitting out of the blue news, or back-to-back deadlines. It’s at this time that an INTP’s partner would truly see their more vulnerable side.
They so rarely express their feelings, and so this intensity is both unchecked and even more painful than it would be for typically emotional people. Imagine occasionally experiencing a papercut and then experiencing a huge gash - that’s how shocking it is for INTP to just experience being in that state, let alone what caused it.
So if you do see an INTP when they’re an emotional wreck, know that sincere advice and just your well-meaning presence means everything to them.
Secret #7 Friendship + Benefits
Sometimes INTPs get uncomfortable with the term “relationship” because it can generate a lot of unnecessary stress, along with the pressure of labels and the expectation for public acts of affection. INTPs generally prefer to maintain their relationships on a low-key level, independent of any family or friends.
While it may naturally seem like they’re doing this to avoid commitment and simply “play both sides” it actually isn’t for this purpose. The reason behind the behavior is moreso just the INTP’s long process of becoming completely comfortable around anyone..
Which can be a lengthy unwinding process to say the least. This is a big reason why it’s best to view the relationship as one that unfolds naturally from “friendship” to something deeper.
It puts less pressure on the INTP while also reducing any disappointment you may experience when things don’t launch off like a rocket ship. Just show that you’re worthy of their trust and can provide the kind of novelty that keeps them intellectually engaged, and they’ll reciprocate in their own unique way.
So.. those are the 7 secrets to dating an INTP. Have you ever been in a relationship with an INTP personality type?